In the twenty-third hour of Dragon Age: Origins, I win a Bully trophy, become an assassin, yell at a bigot, win a Lord’s favor, and basically rule everything. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to play Dragon Age: Origins.
You know, I don’t know that I have all that much to relay to you aside from a list of my stunning accomplishments. After all the frustrations I’d been having with difficult bosses, fighting my own party, confronting evil cultists, and generally getting my ass kicked, this entire hour in Orzammar was shockingly easy. Perhaps I should have come here first! Wait, let me finish every mission here before I say that. Something else could totally destroy me with awfulness, so perhaps I should embarrass myself in advance.
Regardless, I had a great time with the following:
- Because I gave Morrigan that mirror piece, she gave me a special skill point, which I decided to use for the Assassin Skill Tree. THIS POWER IS ALREADY INCREDIBLE. I cannot wait to build it up more.
- So, I was tasked with getting both Baizyl and Gwiddon to agree to fight in the Proving for Lord Harrowmont. In Gwiddon’s case, I had to either convince Myaja not to blackmail him or get his love letters back. She clearly wasn’t going to budge, so I used my stellar lock picking skills to simply go into her room and steal the letters. Interestingly enough, no one in my party objected. Oh, now you’re all cool with being illegal and immoral. F U ALL.
- Gwiddon was super easy to convince. I lied to him about something Lord Harrowmont said, AND I WAS AWARDED THE BULLY TROPHY IN THE PS3 SYSTEM. Look, how am I bullying him at all? I will bully you, trophy system.
- So, with Gwiddon and Baizyl on my side, I was prepared to fight in the Proving! Things started off well when the Proving Master told me that my elven name was “too difficult to say,” so he’d just be calling me Roslin. You fucking bigot, it’s two syllables. I WILL NEVER LEARN YOUR NAME JUST TO SPITE YOU. Actually, even worse, I’ll just constantly call you the wrong name. How are things going today, Steve? Are you ready to start the Proving, Cristopher? What did you have for breakfast, Heather? How does it feel now?
- Wow, I utterly DESTROYED at the Proving. Like, I was shocked at how easy it was to massacre everything thrown at me. And when my whole party got to fight, we annihilated Bhelen’s men. TAKE THAT. I don’t even know that much about Bhelen, and I already don’t like him.
- Lord Harrowmont, your beard is majestic. I’m jealous. Me, I mean, not Roslin. She doesn’t care. She’s busy trying to romance Wynne.
- Okay, now I really hate Bhelen. His “fanatics” tried to murder me in the Commons! Oh, I am 100% done with you, and I will support Harrowmont solely on the basis that his followers didn’t try to massacre me and my friends. Also, his beard. Sweet hell, did you see that thing?
- Dust Town. Y’all barely tried when naming this part of Orzammar, didn’t you? Why didn’t you just name it “We Hate Poor People and Think They’re Worth Nothing”?
- That being said, I’m kind of in love with the way this place is designed. Bravo, Bioware.
- Nadezda, thank you for basically telling me how to find Jarvia. You rule. I love that I also confronted some of Jarvia’s followers and they wanted mercy, so I killed them. Wynne approved +3 because apparently she’s totally into murdering criminals? Awesome.
- I didn’t get very far in Jarvia’s ~secret lair~, but I did use Stealth to trick the few guards hanging out behind the tripwire traps. Stealth is SO MUCH FUN.
Thankfully, I wasn’t cliffhanger’d this time. That has happened to me a lot in this game, but such is to be expected when I set a timer for an hour and force myself to stop. I’m eager to kill Jarvia. Oh, and I need to go find Rogek’s contact at the Circle of Mages so I can make a sweet profit off of lyrium. Onwards, I go!
My Character Stats
Damage dealt: 77316
Friendly fire: 0
Greatest damage dealt: 90
Contribution to party damage: 35
Hit rate: 84
Most powerful foe slain: Piotin
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