Mark Plays ‘Dragon Age: Origins’ – Hour 6

In the sixth hour of Dragon Age: Origins, HELP, THIS PLOTLINE IS OVERWHELMING ME WITH AWESOME. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to play Dragon Age: Origins.

Hour Six

Y’all, I am making all the right decisions (I think?!?!?), and it is making my game THE BEST EVER. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN here are the things I am having fun with

• PRETTY SURE THAT IT WAS REVEALED THAT THE ARCHDEMON IS ACTUALLY A DRAGON THING. HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK.
• I HAVE MY OWN GODDAMN CAMP. Life will never be the same again. I wish I could decorate it. I would put unicorn posters on everything just to annoy Alistair. Actually, I’m at a point where all I do is side with Morrigan on everything so that we can get Alistair mad. It’s probably going to bite me in the ass later, so I keep giving him really girly gifts like gemstones and necklaces to keep him on my side. This is a brilliant plan. Alistair’s irritation is my life force.
• You meet so many characters in this game! In this hour, I must have spoken to 20 different people. What’s so entertaining to me is that I just scream shit at these people while I’m playing, and then I have Roslin be sassy and mean to anyone I don’t like. I was a little shit to Levi when I found him in my camp, but I did agree to do his mission. See, I am a very ~distant~ elf who plays ~hard to get~ but deep down my soul is ~kind~.
• Oh god, I made Alistair mad every ten minutes. It was amazing.
• YOU GET TO CHOOSE YOUR PARTY EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE CAMP. oh my GOD. That means you can customize a party for a specific mission. THIS IS BRILLIANT.
• Every time Zathrian spoke, I mocked whatever he said. He has no sense of humor, and I plan on exploiting that as much as I can.
• WEREWOLVES OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. I made that comment last week about wanting to be a werewolf in Skyrim AND I HAD NO IDEA THERE WERE WEREWOLVES IN THIS UNIVERSE. Holy shit, they are so HIDEOUS and they can TALK and it is the best thing.
• Witherfang. I can’t help but laugh every time someone says his name. It’s terrible. I bet he was bullied by the other werewolves for it.
• There are things in the wood more terrible than werewolves? Sweet baby elves, you can’t be serious.
• CAMMEN. COME ON. Does Roslin have to woo every girl for you? I mean, I still agreed to get him a werewolf pelt, but I’ll do so begrudgingly while insulting him.
• MABARI DOMINANCE IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A VIDEO GAME. Adama pees on things to claim them and get boosts. I cannot believe I have never seen a game with this feature. BLESS YOU, BIOWARE, YOU GODDAMN GENIUSES.
• Playing Roslin while dual wielding daggers is life affirming. This is what I’ve always lived for.
• There is so much sass built into the game, I swear. The Dalish elves all found a way to tell Roslin that they were glad she was there despite that she lost the Old Ways. Haha, you DICKS. I see what you are doing.
• I WANT A HALLA OH MY GOD.
• I couldn’t save the Halla. :(
• When that first werewolf started talking, I laughed because I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening in the game.
• WILD SYLVANS NOPE NOPE NOPE. The first time I awoke one of those things, I screamed. NO THEY ARE HUGE AND CREEPY AND OH MY GOD. They are impervious to stunning! Those cheaters.
• THE GRAND OAK. OH SHIT. He was the first character that I did not sass once. I love him deeply already. Of course, he reminds me of the Ents. A lot of this world is borrowed from traditional fantasy mythology and Lord of the Rings, and it’s done so well!
• Here’s why I do side missions: Danyla. I found her, and my persuasion was high enough that I convinced her to keep talking while she died. Okay, kind of a dick move on my part, but I wanted to know more about Witherfang! (LOL.) Then she said that “It’s not what you think.” Wait, what? How can this not be what I think? Werewolves are constantly trying to eat me. It’s pretty clear what’s going on. And then she reveals that some of the werewolves have overcome the curse. AND THEN SHE DIED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT. What the hell? IS SHE TELLING THE TRUTH? WHAT IS GOING ON?

I am nowhere near the main plot, and I am having the time of my life. My one-hour time cliffhanger’d me at the exact moment after Danyla died, so I already hate my arbitrary, self-imposed rules. I JUST WANT TO PLAY THIS FOR 24 HOURS STRAIGHT.

God, I am so oppressed.

My Character Stats

Strength: 21
Dexterity: 18
Willpower: 15
Magic: 13
Cunning: 16
Constitution: 15

Heroic Stats

Kills: 53
Damage Dealt: 7829
Friendly-fire: 0
Greatest damage dealt: 34
Contribution to party damage: 34
Hit rate: 84
Most powerful foe slain: Wild Sylvan
Injuries: 0

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