In the seventeenth hour of Dragon Age: Origins, I escape frustration by being IMMENSELY PRODUCTIVE. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to play Dragon Age.
Seriously, I turned around my game so quickly that I was basically singing “I’ll Make A Man Out of You” while slaughtering darkspawn and taking out mercenaries.
LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS
DID THEY SEND ME WARRIORS
WHEN I ASKED
- I hightailed it out of the Deserted Building and headed straight to camp. I don’t care if that makes me a coward or a quitter. I accept these titles.
- I went back to my tired-but-true party: Morrigan, Alistair, and Wynne. They argue, they bicker, they make fun of one another, and they fucking destroy. Frankly, I missed Alistair’s wit.
- I decided to make my way to Haven by way of all the little side missions along the path!
- I first went to the Kadan-Fe Hideout, where I cleverly tricked the mercenaries to only come out three at a time. I would tell my party to stay put, goad a few out, get them to come to us, then REPEAT.
- shit yeah.
- I should have noted their names, but I sent a group of mercenaries away. The Adventurers? Something like that.
- Next, I went to the camp marked “Refugees” to help with the darkspawn problem. I’d actually forgotten how easy Hurlocks and Gemlocks were! Well, relative to how strong my party is. It was a cinch to defeat them!
- I went to a spot marked “Civil War” and it was that battle with Loghain’s soldiers! It was also the first time I fought with allies, and it was awesome that the game marks them with blue circles instead of red so that I can tell them apart.
- After this lovely affair, I traveled to the Lake Calahad Docks, where I took care of one of the deserters of the Blackstone Irregulars. I had hoped to talk him out of it, but he fought us. We slaughtered them because we are hot shit.
- Ugh, why did I agree to be the bearer of sad news and inform women their husbands are dead? What a depressing quest. I’m sorry, Larana. :(
- All right, after this, I headed straight to the village of Haven. Right from the start, I’m way into this. It’s like a winter forest! Lots of pines, very green, and extremely, extremely creepy. The guard is clearly hiding something, right?
- WHY IS THERE AN ALTAR WITH HUMAN BLOOD ON IT IN THIS VILLAGER’S HOUSE?
- OH MY GOD
- WHY ARE ALL THE VILLAGERS ATTACKING ME
- WHY ARE THEY CALLED “CULTISTS”
- WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
- THIS THING JUST ATTACKED ME AND IT WAS CALLED A “SHRIEK”
- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT THING?!?!?!?
- After this scene ended, Morrigan and Wynne got in a fight about the Chantry and I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE, MORRIGAN. STOP INSULTING MY FUTURE WIFE. If you weren’t so powerful and useful, I would leave you at home.
- Oh great, I lost 2 approval points with Morrigan for talking to her and bringing up her childhood because apparently she hates being girly. WELP.
- Oh my god, there are red things in my little compass thingy.
- oh my god what happened to this place
- WHAT IS THE URN OF THE SACRED ASHES.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME MY HOUR ENDED LIKE RIGHT HERE
i have cliffhanger’d myself this is totally internalized oppression now WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DISCOVERED.
My Character Stats
Damage dealt: 48280
Greatest damage dealt: 90
Contribution to party damage: 37
Hit rate: 86
Most powerful foe slain: Uldred
I lost 2 points approval from Morrigan for bringing up a girly mirror from her childhood, and gained 1 point from Alistair for gifting him some boots!
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