Mark Plays ‘Dragon Age: Origins’: Hour 27

In the twenty-seventh hour of Dragon Age: Origins, I am just at a point where I don’t know any creative or new ways to praise this game. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to play Dragon Age: Origins.

Hour Twenty-Seven

I CAN’T EVEN BE WITTY OR CREATIVE ABOUT THIS. OH LORD, THIS IS SO MUCH FUN. FOREVER UNPREPARED.

I did this:

  1. I observed Shale and Morrigan have a conversation in which Shale called Morrigan a “swamp witch.” It made me laugh so hard I choked. Then Shale kept talking about their “rod” and “what if you could wield my rod” and it made me think of golem penis, and that’s really weird.
  2. I found a torso in a bag. Who is leaving body parts in bags all willy-nilly like they’re just garbage?
  3. I found a completely solitary and utterly unexplained sarcophagus. I am still perplexed as to how something that’s so commonly associated with ancient Egypt was in an underground mine inhabited by dwarves. (And yes, I’m aware that other cultures used sarcophagi. STILL.
  4. HELL YES, I FOUND THE DRIFTER’S CACHE give me everything.
  5. OH! It’s a… head. In a bag. Okay, do I have a whole body???
  6. I killed an Ogre Alpha! I was weirdly proud of myself? This is kind of a common thing with me, but I just get so happy when I don’t spiral out of control into a nightmare of frustration while playing this game. As you can probably tell, I don’t think highly of myself as a gamer, but I’M DOING IT. I AM TOTALLY PLAYING THIS GAME.
  7. I found the entrance to Ortan Thaig!!! OH SHIT, IT’S REAL.
  8. I then laughed way too hard when Oghren shouted, “By the tits of my ancestors!” WHO SAYS THAT. WHO SAYS THAT.
  9. I learned from Oghren that there is a City of the Dead down here. I am not excited about finding it.
  10. I adored the fact that Ortan Thaig is blueish in color! It seems kind of haunted, I thought to myself.
  11. I used Morrigan OBSESSIVELY. The next time I play this game, I need to be a mage. IT’S SO FUN.
  12. I listened in on Shale giving Morrigan a very hard time about the fact that she was scheming to kill her own mother. How did Shale know this?
  13. I realized that it doesn’t make all that much sense that a giant spider would have a bunch of coins on their body. Am I literally sifting through their remains to discover the coins that were on the person of their last meal? That doesn’t make sense because spiders generally don’t devour things whole.
  14. WHAT THE FUCK ARE FORGOTTEN SPIRITS?
  15. Okay, yes, they’re spirits that are forgotten. Shut up.
  16. I fought some stone golems!
  17. Oh, wow, I actually found Ruck in Ortan Thaig! But isn’t he supposed to be in the mines?
  18. WHAT THE FUCK, RUCK HAS BEEN EATING DARKSPAWN CORPSES TO STAY ALIVE.
  19. oh my fucking god RUCK ESCAPED TO THE MINES TO AVOID HIS MOTHER’S SHAME. NO, oh my god, OH MY GOD. THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING.
  20. I chose to leave Ruck behind and lie to his mother. Ugh, I’M SO SAD.
  21. I found an altar not far from Ruck’s cave! I put the bags of body parts on it AND A GIANT FUCKING DEMON THING APPEARED. It offered me a choice: reward or revenge.
  22. I chose reward because I really didn’t want to fight this massive, terrible thing.
  23. HOLY SHIT, IT GAVE ME 25 GOLD. WHAT. OH MY GOD. NOW I HAVE 111 GOLD RIGHT NOW. !!!!!!!! THAT ACTUALLY WORKED, THAT NEVER HAPPENS.
  24. NO, NOW I’M GOING THROUGH A CHAMBER OF PURPLE SPIDERS this is one giant NOPE forever. It absolutely terrifies and sickens me when I see how they attack a character. It’s a fucking nightmare on the screen, and I fucking hate it.
  25. I found no more signs that Branka was alive and well, and Oghren is convinced that she’s no longer alive.
  26. I tried to make small talk with Oghren to hopefully raise my approval rating with him AND HE FLAT OUT REFUSED TO TALK TO ME AND I LOST 4 POINTS. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BIGOTRY.

Okay, I am determined to find Branka in the next hour, AND I WILL RECORD MY JOURNEY BECAUSE I CAN.

My Character Stats

Strength: 27+4
Dexterity: 25+8
Willpower: 21
Magic: 14
Cunning: 21
Constitution: 25

Heroic Stats

Kills: 511
Damage dealt: 105915
Friendly-fire damage dealt: 0
Greatest damage dealt: 90
Contribution to party damage: 31
Hit rate: 86
Most powerful foe slain: Revenant
Injuries: 18

Mark Links Stuff

– You can follow me on Twitter for any updates and live commentary on upcoming reviews I’m writing.
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– I’ve started reading The Shoebox Project for Mark Reads, the first fanfic “series” I’ve ever covered! Join me!

About Mark Does Stuff

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48 Responses to Mark Plays ‘Dragon Age: Origins’: Hour 27

  1. Yeah Ruck's story is pretty heartbreaking. Looking forward to tomorrow's post :)

  2. tsuchan55 says:

    In all the times I've played, I think Oghren is the hardest to get approval rating up…

    • Interesting. I've never had a problem with Oghren. I would say Sten can be a bit hard. Morrigan and Alistair are possibly the most touchy.

    • Jae says:

      I have stuck my foot in it with Oghren

      SO

      MANY

      TIMES

      and I may never understand why. ;)

    • celestineangel1 says:

      Not me. Whfg tvir uvz nyy gur nypbuby lbh svaq. Nal nypbubyvp tvsg, jvgu gur rkprcgvba bs gur jvar, naq gur Nagvina oenaql, V guvax vf cerggl zhpu Btuera'f.

      • @Ninjababe says:

        Gung'f jung V qb. Gung, naq or enhapul onpx gb uvz. V trg evonyq jvgu uvz naq ur nqberf vg.

        V pna arire fvqr jvgu Oenaxn (V'yy cynl n gbgnyyl rivy cynlguebhtu *fbzr qnl*), fb bs pbhefr, gung ybjref zl nccebiny jvgu Btuera n ovg, ohg gnyxvat gb uvz, V pna hfhnyyl cvpx gur evtug pubvprf gb raq hc jvgu n zvabe arg ybff bs n srj cbvagf…

    • cogsandcurls says:

      Co-signed! I give him all his gifts every time and I always end up with him sort of middling-warm. Which sounds alright, but over my playthroughs I've managed to be good friends with every single other character at least once… maybe I just don't fundamentally understand the guy enough to get him to like me :(

    • ferafaces says:

      Sten has always been the worst for me, just because he flipping confuses me. I don't know what he wants me to sayyyyy TELL ME STEN TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY.

      • celestineangel1 says:

        Trarenyyl, V'ir sbhaq Fgra qbrfa'g npghnyyl jnag lbh gb fnl zhpu. Gur yrff lbh chfu uvz, gur zber ur'yy yvxr lbh. Nyfb, vs lbh unir gur Srnfgqnl Tvsgf QYP (be jungrire vg'f pnyyrq), tvir uvz gur Dhanev Obbx bs gur Qrnq. V tnir uvz gung, naq uvf nccebiny fxlebpxrgrq.

  3. Mark Does Stuff says:

    tomorrow is

    the dead trenches

    what is life y'all

    • Mark Does Stuff says:

      tomorrow is also the day i reach ch 26 in Feed

      it's a day of terror and destruction tomorrow

    • @LJmysticowl says:

      I have lost both my ability to can and my ability to even in anticipation of tomorrow because flashbacks to this part of the game are traumatizing.

      I strted a new playthrough of the game because you made me want to play it! A human male mage this time.

    • Peter says:

      ~shudders~

      so much nightmare fuel…

    • Ryan Lohner says:

      Other than the fact that I'll never again experience joy in my life, I don't think the Dead Trenches had any negative effect on me.

    • Passing by says:

      I've been looking forward to your reactions to this.

  4. @westeros says:

    oghren is the best

    stuff oghren likes: alcohol, having a sweet beard, ??

  5. biblioteknician says:

    Sometimes I forget just how MASSIVE the Deep Roads are.

    Ruck. :(

    I am eagerly looking forward to tomorrow's post. It will be GLORIOUS.

  6. TrampyMcBitca says:

    I then laughed way too hard when Oghren shouted, “By the tits of my ancestors!” WHO SAYS THAT. WHO SAYS THAT.

    Naqenfgr'f nff, lbh'q guvax V'q yrnea fbzr fbpvny tenprf!

  7. Bookman230 says:

    It wouldn't surprise me if Zevran and/or Alistair gossip about Morrigan's secrets to every new party member just to irritate her.

  8. Passing by says:

    Today, I attempted to slay a Revenant. And I got butcherd. Hard. Even if he didn't have his little skeletal squad, I still could barely make a dent. After several failed attempts I just let him be and went on my way.

    It's been a while since I last played and reached the Deep Roads, I have absolutely no recollection of how I dealt with Ruck's situation. A tragic figure, nevertheless.

  9. Peter says:

    First Time Gameplay

    Those fucking spiders are so scary. NOOOOOPPPEE. Do not want. I just can't get over how awful literally everything in the Deep Roads is. It's so horrible. It goes on forever; there are darkspawn everywhere, there are giant, poisonous, corrputed spiders everywhere, there are nepuqrzbaf everywhere, it goes on forever, there are poor, heartbreaking dwarves like Ruck everywhere, it goes on forever, there are oebbqzbguref naq gurve ubeevoyr qnex fcnja (FRR JUNG V QVQ GURER?), and it goes on forever, and I just can't deal with it.

    Nygubhtu V qvq trg Gbcfvqre'f Ubabe gurer, juvpu unf orra zl Jneqra'f jrncba rire fvapr.

    At least there are all those happy things that happen tomorrow! ;)

  10. Ryan Lohner says:

    For me, the creepiest part was actually when all the giant spiders start running away from you. It's clearly a retreat to lead you into some huge ambush, and you have no choice but to follow them and pray it's not something too big for you to handle.

    • JackoDaGreat says:

      It becomes even more terrifying when you watch them take down an orge and THEN they start running away from you. They're certainly not running away because they're afraid of you. Damn spiders.

  11. celestineangel1 says:

    "13.I realized that it doesn’t make all that much sense that a giant spider would have a bunch of coins on their body. Am I literally sifting through their remains to discover the coins that were on the person of their last meal? That doesn’t make sense because spiders generally don’t devour things whole."

    YES. YES THIS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Not just the spiders, but darkspawn! Why do spiders and darkspawn need money? Why do spiders have armor? Or health poltices or lyrium potions? Or… well, why do the spiders have anything?

    "24.NO, NOW I’M GOING THROUGH A CHAMBER OF PURPLE SPIDERS this is one giant NOPE forever. It absolutely terrifies and sickens me when I see how they attack a character. It’s a fucking nightmare on the screen, and I fucking hate it."

    AGREE FOREVER. No more spiders please please stop it, game, stop it. ::sobs incoherently::

    • Ryan Lohner says:

      Bears too. Almost all the enemies in this game drop stuff that makes sense, so what happened with the bears and spiders?

      • celestineangel1 says:

        Truth! In fact, I think it was the bears that I first noticed it on. At first, the bears didn't go all glowy, and I thought "Well, that makes sense, they're bears. Why would they have any loot?" But then I went back later, and saw a couple of them had gone glowy in the time I'd been gone and thought it weird.

    • cat says:

      God those spiders, just did that one and I died so freaking much. I'm not even scared of spiders IRL and their gross crunchy Onslaught is aaaaaargh. Aaaargh why does onslaught even exist.

      Also, I usually don't make too much use of Morrigan's shapeshifting skills because why would I want to turn my versatile mage into something with two attacks? but this time around when we got to the point where the spiders were webbing me up and she was out of mana, I had the bright idea of shifting Morrigan into a spider and webbing them right back. And it worked OK, but then she stayed a spider after the fight was over. Now, I said I'm not scared of spiders and I'm not. I like weird bugs, I've owned two giant millipedes and numerous praying mantises myself. But when you are running ahead of your party so that they've fallen behind you out of the view of the camera, as they do, and then edging into the picture as you round a corner you see several glistening busily waving legs, and the whole time the chamber is echoing with the wet chitinous clicks of a giant spider crawling unseen behind you, it starts to have an effect on your nerves really really fast.

      • celestineangel1 says:

        I don't like spiders IRL. It has to do with many of them not only being poisonous, but also very small and often invisible until it's too late and also I read somewhere that you're never really more than ten feet from a spider and NO. NO NO NO.

        The giant ones in DA:O are ten times worse than real spiders because they are GIANT. So then it becomes about the way they move, and the sounds they make, and the HORROR AND TERROR that happens when they overwhelm any of your party.

        I DO NOT LIKE THEM. IN A BOX OR WITH A FOX OR ANYWHERE. ;_; Any time there are giant spiders on my screen, I'm pretty much shouting obscenities while trying to kill them.

        • AmaneSaiko says:

          I am with you on this, so much. Although my RL fear is directly linked to spider movement (and also the fact I live in Australia where we have all the fun deadly spiders… joy). So DA:O spider movement is just… I can't. And then they jump on you.. with flailing spider legs.
          I just check out for a while, swearing and screaming and eyes closed. It totally works!

          • celestineangel1 says:

            Yeah. With you on the swearing and screaming. It's usually something along the lines of "OH GODS FUCKING SPIDERS. FUCKING. SPIDERS. WHY. OH GODS OH GODS."

  12. AmaneSaiko says:

    This is a perfect example of my love/hate of The Deep Roads.

    Love: The colours used in Ortan Thaig, it's both eerie and pretty.

    Hate: Mother.Fucking.Spiders.

    I lose the ability to play the game as soon as a spider shows up. This is slightly problematic.

    • xyliane27 says:

      Spiders. Are. The. Worst. Ever. I jump every time they fall out of the ceiling.

      • AmaneSaiko says:

        Ha yeah me too, I also scream and flail and close my eyes, button mashing hoping they will be dead by the time I take a peek.

        I wasn't kidding when I said I lose the ability to play XD

  13. Passing by says:

    Speaking of horrible, horrible spiders: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Demoni

    And yes, the Spiders in the Deep Rads are cited as an example!

    • Passing by says:

      *Deep Roads

      I suspect the Deep Rads is filled with surfers…

      • baruchan says:

        Surfers with Thoughts on Life, the Universe, and Everything

        • Passing by says:

          Speaking of people with Thoughts on Life, the Universe, and Everything, Did Mark ever see those two people/mages at the Lake Calenhad docks, discussing the possibility that they are only actors in a vast cosmic play/figmants of a dream, and only serve to amuse some great enlightened being/cosmic monstruosity, aka the player?

          • Mark Does Stuff says:

            WHAT
            NO
            OMG NO FAIR

          • Animaniac says:

            It's a random NPC conversation/appearance, and they stand behind the building the mage rep is in front of. So just keep checking back and you should eventually hear them.

            My apologies if its spoilery, but was already spoiled by above comment and well.. you just seemed so eager to see/hear them =)
            Very Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

  14. ferafaces says:

    OH GOD. I cannot -wait- for the next post. More reviews, now please.

    I remember the first time I did the mines, I was confused by everything because it was really hard to navigate. Maybe that's just me. But I never really cared for Orzimmar because of that.

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