In the thirteenth hour of Dragon Age: Origins, I am far more productive than the last hour, despite that I was sent into a rage rather quickly. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to play Dragon Age: Origins.
Seriously, this is what my notes look like, which I jotted down during my game:
THEY ARE SO FUCKING HARD TO BEAT. I’m sorry, Uthkiel is the worst. Actually, right when I thought Uthkiel was the worst, Vereveel destroyed me five times in a row. Then I couldn’t figure out a good tactic to take down Yevena, and I was so angry at this game that I almost rage-quit it. Then I had to realize there was nothing wrong with the game. I just wasn’t that good at it. Anyway, on to the Fade!
Once I got two Fade areas in a row completed, the map now allowed me to travel to one of the three outside zones, which I now realize are where my three companions are being held as well. UM. THIS IS AWESOME. As it turns out, each character had their own specific nightmare that they had to deal with; this nightmare was tailored to their fears and desires so as to keep them imprisoned within the Fade. In that sense, it was easy to look at the entire Fade as one giant Nightmare room for Roslin. She’s terrified of being overwhelmed by the forces of evil, but she clearly craves the violence that comes with being a hero. (Hey, this is my own personal headcanon for Roslin! I can meta it up if I want!) She’s scared of being separated from her companions, and now they’re strung about an impenetrable palace. It’s incredible.
Rescuing Wynne wasn’t that difficult. My persuasion was high enough to get her to analyze the situation she was in, and then we both battled the demons that were holding her in this place. BUT THEN SHE JUST DISAPPEARED. What the hell? Where did she go??? Oh fuck, am I going to have to face the Sloth Demon in the center room of the Fade all by myself? BUT I WANT MY FRIENDS.
Honestly, this section was surprisingly easy. What got me stuck were the Spirit Doors that I couldn’t pass through. I assumed that this meant I needed yet another shapeshift power that I hadn’t discovered yet. Damn it! So, like I did with the Burning Tower room, I left in search of an ability to allow me into the final room to defeat the demon that was in control of that realm.
For the first time in the Fade, the physical arrangement of the room changed. The Darkspawn Invasion area was much more like a labyrinth. Long hallways stood parallel to one another, wrapping up next to themselves like a coiled snake. There were far less doors to open and a shit ton of darkspawn hanging out being goddamn bigots. Look, I’m just trying to kill you, why are you oppressing me?
Oh, right. Because you’re trying to stop me from getting the SPIRIT SHAPESHIFTER. Oh shit yeah. Now I can cast spells and go through Spirit Doors and nothing can stop me.
That’s what I thought until I got to Uthkiel.
Straight up, fuck Uthkiel. I don’t think I’ve ever been killed so many times by the same character in this whole game. He’d storm me, stun me, knock me to the ground, pummel me, and stomp me all within ten seconds and then I was a complete goner. I managed to stun him once as Roslin, but only got a quarter of his health down before he started all over again. Then I tried to change to Burning Man and light him on fire, but twice he resisted that attack. Then I tried to stun him with the Golem, and he’d pound me into the ground again. It took me the most time to finally figure out a way to destroy him: turn into Spirit, put him in that Crushing Prison, use Winter’s Grasp, turn into Roslin, stun him and then dual buttstab, then turn into the Golem and use Quake, Hurl, and Slam in rapid succession, then turn back into Roslin, stun him, dual buttstab, and then firebomb him with Burning Man. I had to hit all these changes precisely in order to pull it off, and you better bet that I felt proud by defeating him. HELL YEAH.
Ah, fuck you, Vereveel. Goddamn it, do these demons get harder with each room? If I do not have my companions with me in the final battle against the Sloth Demon, I’m going to be decimated. I didn’t even count how many times Vereveel killed me. It was pointless. I had to quickly switch between my Spirit shape and my Golem shape to do magical damage to her and then withstand her ridiculous barrages. UNFAIR. I took great joy in slaying her, and I have no regrets.
The Raw Fade
I had one last thing to do before I rescued my companions: kill Yevena. I headed back to The Raw Fade to chat up Niall, who revealed that Uldred was behind this chaos. GREAT. AWESOME. I hope he’s still alive so I can gut him. I will take great joy in this. Look at this disaster he’s created! I had to fight goddamn Yevena and her goddamn weird fairy bug things who zapped me to death the first time I got through to her room because… okay, that’s not Uldred’s fault. I may have gotten disoriented and just gone the wrong way around that giant ship in the shallow lake, so I never actually saw Yevena before I died. HEY, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. NO JUDGING. This is a no-judge zone.
OH MY GOD. HE’S WITH HIS FAMILY. HE’S HAPPY. Oh my god, is the Sloth Demon seriously Jasmine? IT HAS TO BE. Like, for real, he easily had the most heartbreaking nightmare. I also found that he was the hardest to break from it. I could not persuade him to leave, so I had to talk to the demon tricking him to get them to fight me. Only then did Alistair realize what was going on. Then he disappeared, too. Son of a motherless bumblebee.
Morrigan gave absolutely no fucks about the nightmare, knew she was being fooled from the start, and joined me in attacking the vision of her mother gleefully. BLESS YOU. BLESS YOU SO MUCH.
My hour ran out just as I freed Morrigan and she disappeared, so I’ve got one place left: the center of the Fade. Oh, this shit is on.
My Character Stats
Dexterity: 23+1 (booo I want my +16 back)
Damage dealt: 34654
Greatest damage dealt: 61 (FUCK YEAH)
Contribution to party damage: 39
Hit rate: 86
Most powerful foe slain: Abomination (This cannot be true UTHKIEL WAS WAY MORE POWERFUL THAN AN ABOMINATION)
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